A radical responsibility program for parents
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Kids are like water - they get in wherever the cracks let them.
Our apartment is on the top floor under our building’s flat roof. The building is old, and the roof is no longer perfectly flat (if it ever was). Even in a small unevenness - water collects and sits, small cracks open and water seeps in.
That’s the nature of water. It doesn’t think, or choose, it flows where it can. You can’t change the nature of the water. You can seal the cracks, and then more of the water will go wherever else it can, hopefully down the gutters.
Kids are driven to connect to their parents. They watch us and learn what gets no response, what gets a cool response and what really lights us up!
Then they do more of whatever works.
~new growth~
Our “cracks” — fears, anxieties, insecurities — are like an open invitation to them “press here for dramatic response!”
It’s not conscious. (and talking to them about it is NOT the way to help)
Every reaction they get feels like a “win,” even if it comes from conflict or punishment.
(Remember the screams that fuel the power plant in Monsters, Inc. ?)
If your reactions fuel a cycle you don’t want, stop responding that way.
I know you didn’t start.
I know they’re doing things they shouldn’t.
You’re the adult. You’re the parent. Lead the way. Start with you, your fears, your responses, your behavior.
That’s how you take responsibility. That’s how you start making things better for all of you.
Remember: they’re not against you. They’re for themselves. They found something that goes “ka-ching!” they’re gonna keep at it.
If it stops working, they’ll find another way. They won’t give up on connecting to you.
You are absolutely and without a doubt, the Most Important Person in their lives. Show them the way to better behavior, better relationships, better cooperation in the family.
Questions?
Yes!